How to handle negative emotions after sex?

How to handle negative emotions after sex?: Friends, have you ever felt a little sad, stressed, or irritated after sex instead of happy? Or do you think, “I wish I hadn’t made that decision” or “Maybe it would have been better in a different position”?

If so, you’re not alone. Research shows that approximately 32% of women and 41% of men have experienced this problem at least once in their lives. (1,2) This condition is called postcoital dysphoria, or PCD.

In today’s article, we’ll discuss and understand what PCD is, what causes it, why feelings of regret and guilt arise after sex, and most importantly, how you can deal with these negative emotions.

What is Postcoital Dysphoria or PCD?

Postcoital dysphoria, or PCD, is an emotional state in which a person may experience sadness, anxiety, irritability, or sometimes even tears after sex. This can occur even when the sex was completely consensual and satisfying, meaning both partners enjoyed it.

These feelings can be fleeting, lasting from a few minutes to several hours. Sometimes they occur only once, sometimes occasionally, and for some people, they can become a regular pattern in their sex lives.

Causes and Mechanisms

Scientists are still unclear about the exact cause. But studies show that chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin are released in the brain during sex, and their levels suddenly drop after orgasm, sometimes leading to negative mood swings.

Feelings of Regret

After sex, people sometimes regret their decision and wish they had done it in a different place or situation, or that perhaps it would have been better with a different partner.

Regret can have many other causes, such as fear of commitment, infidelity, relationship problems, personal insecurities, or stress about the future of the relationship. All of these factors can contribute to feelings of guilt and remorse after sex.

Values and Beliefs Conflict

Sometimes our values and beliefs don’t align with our sexual behaviour, and after sex we may think, “Maybe I did something against my values.” This feeling can also lead to feelings of regret and guilt after sex. That is, sometimes we simply feel a conflict between our thoughts and actions, and this causes sadness or irritability.

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Postcoital Dysphoria – Other Possible Reasons

There isn’t just one or two reasons behind this condition; there can be many, and it’s important to understand them.

For example, if a person has previously experienced sexual trauma or a woman has postpartum depression, it may be even more difficult for them to process their feelings after sex. This creates an emotional burden, which worsens PCD.

For those who already struggle with depression or anxiety, feelings of regret and guilt after sex are even more intense. Therefore, PCD may be more severe if a mental health condition is already poor.

Feelings of regret or guilt are more common after casual sex than in a conventional relationship. Research also shows that women have higher levels of regret after casual sex than men. This may be because casual sex doesn’t involve any emotional attachment, and people often feel guilty about their decisions afterward.

There’s also a stigma attached to promiscuous sex, especially for women. If a woman has sex with someone she’s not sure about, there’s the risk of pregnancy and STDs, but even more concerning is the social pressure of “what will people say.” This thought further exacerbates guilt and negative emotions.

If someone breaks their partner’s trust, feelings of guilt and remorse are intense. This guilt stems not only from the physical act, but also from emotional and moral conflict.

In addition, masturbation can sometimes cause guilt and shame, especially for those raised in a culture or religion where masturbation is considered wrong.

Avoidance and Coping Strategies

People with PCD often avoid sex because they find it difficult to deal with negative feelings after sex.

To reduce this discomfort, people sometimes adopt strategies such as avoiding certain sexual positions, limiting the duration of sex, or avoiding specific sexual activities. These can all provide temporary relief, but for long-term relief, it’s important to understand and manage these feelings.

Understanding the Source of Guilt in Postcoital Dysphoria

It’s important to understand the source of the guilt and regret you feel after sex. Sometimes people hide their PCD feelings from their partners, but this is wrong because it makes the situation worse. Understanding where these feelings are coming from makes them easier to understand and manage.

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If you suffer from PCD, it’s important to first understand that it’s not your fault. Avoid blaming yourself. You can also try some healthy practices to calm your mind, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises. These small things calm your mind and help control negative thoughts.

Physical activities like exercise, yoga, or light walking are also very effective, as they release happy hormones in your body that naturally improve your mood. And most importantly, maintain honest and open communication with your partner. When you play it safe and share your feelings without shame or guilt, you not only feel at ease but also strengthen your relationship with your partner. Communication is a healing tool that helps reduce both shame and guilt.

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When to Seek Professional Help

But if you notice that these feelings of sadness, anxiety, or depression occur every time after sex, and they are affecting your daily life, it is a sign that you should seek professional help.

Some additional doubts

Question: How to stop feeling guilty after sex?
Answer: You can avoid self blaming to stop feeling guilty and also communicate openly with your partner.

Question: Is it normal to feel sad after sex?
Answer: Yes, it’s normal and called as postcoital dysphoria.

Question: Why do I get a rush of emotions after sex?
Answer: Because of hormonal level changes after orgasm.

Question: Is crying after sex a red flag?
Answer: No, it is not necessary but if this happen frequently, then you need to consult with specialist.

Question: What happens to a woman emotionally after having sex?
Answer: She may feel happiness, closeness, sadness depend on hormones.

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Reference Links:-

Burri A, Hilpert P. (2020). Postcoital symptoms in a convenience sample of men and women.
Maczkowiack J, Schweitzer RD. (2019). Postcoital dysphoria.
Raftery D. (2024). Further exploration of the correlates of post-coital dysphoria and its prevalence within different sexual contexts.
Muise A, Giang E, Impett EA. Post sex affectionate exchanges promote sexual and relationship satisfaction. Arch Sex Behav. 2014 Oct 1;43(7):1391–402.
Mayo Clinic: “Postpartum depression.”
Psychology Today: “Post-Sex Blues: Both Men and Women Say They Have It.”
Sexual Medicine: “Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Psychological Correlates.”
Journal of Depression and Anxiety: “Overlap of Postnatal Depression and Postcoital Dysphoria in Women-Implications for Common Underlying Mechanisms.”
Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy: “Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Correlates Among Men.”

How to handle negative emotions after sex? – Postcoital Dysphoria